If running was one major symptom of the fitness bug, the other is gymming. Every apartment complex in Gurgaon now boats of a ‘fully equipped’, ‘state of the art’ gym. This means a treadmill, a exercise bike, one multi gym , four dumbbells and one guard bhaiya to maintain law and order. The neighborhood gym offers a safe, cozy, personalized environment to exercise. In fact, it is the people who frequen the gym who make it such an interesting place to be. Here are some typical ones.
The Hot Girl – Every good local gym has or should have the ‘ Hot Girl’. The Hot Girl could be a yummy mummy or a PYT but her hotness quotient takes care of the gym heating during winter. The Hot Girl has no ostensible reason to frequent the gym. She is not fat or flabby and has no interest in building muscle. Others know that she is there in lycra shorts and a strappy top to a) feel good about herself b) make other women feel bad about themselves. Just so that they don’t strangle her with a skipping rope, she will moan and say “ weekend mein itna kha liya” “ I just don’t fit into my college jeans anymore.” The women openly give her the ‘Glare’ if she dares to use any apparatus for more than 10 minutes. They all secretly desire a body like hers. The men furtively give her the ‘Look’ and try to lift an extra ten kiloswhen she is around. They all secretly desire her body.
The Muscle Man – The muscle man is well muscled after years of working out. Now he is a busy working man and visits the local gym just to keep himself in shape. He knows that those who are interested in serious muscle work will go to a proper gym. The Muscle man is an expert on body building and makes a daily wish that the gym would acquire some bench presses. He is happy to dole out advice to the paunchy puffy men who heave and pant after two push ups. He knows a thing or two about whey proteins. He slaps other men on the back-hard and says “ arrey yaar, pehle to main har roz tees –tees kela khata tha”. He has a few disciples including one pimply teenage boy who fantasizes about the Hot Girl.
Police Aunty – Police aunty prefers to go for morning walks with a couple of other aunties. But occasionally, she will visit the gym and do a round of cycling. On rainy days or during a cold winter morning, she will do slow walking on the treadmill and be blissfully unaware of the waiting runners. Police Aunty will scold Guard Bhaiya if the AC is not functioning, there is an ‘ajeeb sa smell’ or lack of paper napkins in the gym. Police Aunty also keeps a disapproving eye on the young people in the gym to ensure that the moral standards of the society are upheld. She is especially disapproving if she sees The Muscle Man giving exercise tips to the Hot Girl.
Bollywood Diva- She is usually smelt before she is seen because of her distinctive flowery deo. She dressed is color coordinated designer gym outfits, she matches her shoes and hair bands and wears lip gloss. She could look like baby elephant but her attitude is that of a Bollywood Diva. She believes that calories can be shed only to the accompaniment of ‘ Fevicol se’ or ‘Halkat Jawani’ blasted at ear shattering decibel levels. She will voice her opinions in equally loud tones. Anyone who does not share her taste in music is obviously an idiot who should be blacklisted from the gym.
The Corpo type- This Corpo type is the busy working man who barely manages to snatch time to come to the gym. He always carries two mobile phones to the gym- An office issue Blackberry and the latest iphone5S with Bose speakers. He checks his phones every 3 minutes and manages to attend a conference call while cycling. He has a set routine in the gym – 15 mintues on the treadmill, 12 on the bike and 20 push ups followed by deep breathing to release stress. Anyone or anything interfering in this routine causes more stress leading to heavier and deeper breathing. The Corpo Type gazes malevolently at the Bollywood Diva who happily hogs the treadmill and refuses to change the music. But he is too busy to pick a fight and cause more stress.
My brief trysts with the treadmill might not have helped me to lose weight or become fitter. I am the Sporadic Type who is more an observer of other gym types. This keeps me making occasional visits to
the gym. You never know which type you will encounter.
