When I was 13 years old, my swimming instructor, possible exasperated at my lack of effort, pushed me into the deep end of the pool. I still remember the feeling of choking, the thought that I was going to drown, the sheer panic and helplessness. I hated that coach and completely stopped the swimming lessons.
It took me 30 years to get back into a swimming pool. I am still a nervous swimmer with little confidence and less stamina than a six year old child in water. I have a fear of the deep and only venture into pools where I can stand and touch the bottom with my feet. When I walk on a beach, I make sure the waves never reach above my ankles.
So, there was no way I was going to go snorkeling in the Great Barrier Reef. Ever!
I had always been fascinated by the life that lived in the sea. Watching Finding Nemo a few years ago, made me curious about the creatures of the reef. But, I was more like Marlin, Nemo’s fearful father, scared to venture beyond the safe limits of my swimming pool, content to dream about doing it someday, one day..
Last week, I found myself on a Catamaran in Australia, heading towards the Outer Reef. There it was, the great Pacific ocean, shining under the tropical sun like a brilliant blue portal to another world.
The reasons to avoid going into the sea were plenty.
– I could always see the corals through the window of the submersible vessel or Observatory- dry, safe and secure.
-I had never been snorkeling. I would not be able to do it. I could barely swim.
-I would make an utter fool of myself in the water.
– It was too tedious to change into the lycra suit, wear flippers and masks and then change back, shower etc etc
-Besides, I would look fat in the lycra suit.
– I had allergies and wouldn’t be able to breathe properly.
– I could get attacked by a shark.
– I could get stung by a jellyfish.
But when I reached the platform on the pontoon at the edge of the great reef, I realized that I would probably never get this opportunity again. I am a leadership facilitator who helps people overcome fears, a coach who motivates others to come out of their comfort zones. Here I was, taking the easy way out, playing small, frozen in the grip of some inexplicable terror.
“I am going in,” I said to a crew member on the boat and strode purposefully towards the bin that held the flippers.
The life- guard showed me how to fix the snorkeling mask and assured me that plenty of people who didn’t know how to swim had been able to snorkel. I put on a life jacket over the body suit and agreed to stay within the roped off enclosure.
It took me a few minutes to get off the diving platform. I dithered by the edge wondering if people were watching me. Actually, no one cared.
At first, I sat and just put my head into the water, getting used to breathing with my mouth. Then I slowly swam into the water, still holding on to the rope.
I could breathe! I was not drowning!
I put my head down into the water and almost gasped at what I saw. A magical turquoise world lay beneath the water. The large cabbage coral and boulder coral were castles in a fairy tale kingdom. Yellow fish darted in and out like little sparks of pixie light. Anemone and seaweeds danced gracefully to ocean music. A shoal of black and white zebra fish swam briskly, a guard of honor before a regal parrot fish with a fine pink and green pattern. My fear ebbed away and I was lost in the beauty of that wondrous underworld forest. I let go of the rope and floated on the surface of the water, without taking my eyes off the ocean floor. It was nothing like I had ever seen before. Seeing the corals in a film was one thing but experiencing it with your own eyes, feeling the water around you and being a part of the ocean was completely another.
I reluctantly came out of the ocean since it was time for lunch. After half an hour, I was ready to go in again. I swam off the diving platform without holding on to the rope. I swam quite blissfully for the next few minutes, this time noticing more, allowing the beauty to seep in deeper without the underlying current of anxiety.
As we headed back to land, I felt as though I had been through a transformational experience. This was almost like going on a Hero’s journey- the call to adventure, the initial fear and reluctance, meeting the mentor in the form of a helpful life- guard and then overcoming my own inner demons to embrace the new experience. I came back not with just a visual treat but treasures that would serve me in life and work.
What had I learnt about overcoming fear and doing what scared me most?
Fear is usually all in the mind due to some long- ago experience or irrational beliefs.
There are always 10 sensible reasons to not do it and just 1 big one to go ahead.
It is okay to feel scared but that is not an excuse.
It is okay to ask for support and admit what you don’t know. People will usually help.
There is a difference between courage and recklessness- so take precautions and prepare before plunging in.
But you need to let go of the rope, the crutch, the shallows and strike out on your own.
There is a whole new beautiful world waiting for you at the edge of your comfort zone. This is the world where the magic happens, where dreams come true.
I now feel more confident, more powerful not just about snorkeling but about handling other challenges, about tackling things that scare me. The memory of having conquered one fear will always act as a positive motivator, nudging me to explore my edges.
Maybe, scuba diving next time?
