When we talk about leadership, we usually think of grand important words to describe great leaders. We speak about vision, strategy, business acumen, influencing skills, great oration. In most workshops, leaders like Mahatma Gandhi or Martin Luther King or Dhirubai Ambani and JRD Tata are discussed in reverential tones even as we know that we can never match their stratospheric achievements.
However at a recent leadership workshop, I asked participants to talk about the leaders they had experienced, people they had known personally who may not have been the CEO but who still left a lasting positive impression and inspired others. What did these leaders do? This is what many of them said.
They really listened to me.
They took quick decisions.
They responded to my queries promptly.
They always remembered my name and also that of my family members.
They genuinely cared about my well- being and enquired after my health.
They believed in me and gave me a lot of responsibility though I was new to the job.
They didn’t shout at me even if I did something wrong.
They always appreciated my efforts.
They were fair and impartial during appraisals.
Almost all the descriptors of the leaders pertained to their behaviors as individuals. These were not skills to be learnt at business schools or techniques that the leaders had mastered by reading books. These were simple human traits which we display in and out of the office. These are the qualities that distinguish a leader from just another ordinary person doing his or her job. The highest level of leadership as per John Maxwell is at Level 5 Pinnacle- People follow because of who you are and what you represent. These people may not be in positions of official power but they have risen to a place where they can exert personal power irrespective of the context or situation. They are good human beings first, then good leaders.Such leaders are congruent and authentic in situations in and outside of work.
A man who is rude to a waiter at a restaurant is probably rude to the front line employee.
A leader who does not listen to his/her spouse finds it difficult to listen to the team members.
A woman who is partial to one of her children finds it difficult to be objective during the time of appraisals.
A man who forgets the birthdays of his friends will probably not remember that of his colleagues.
A woman who is stingy with praise for the domestic help will not appreciate the efforts of her subordinates.
A person who tends to distrust his neighbors will tend to distrust his peers.
We all do adapt to some extent at work. Some people slip on a professional mask when they enter the office. We might reduce spontaneous reactions, behave with more gravitas, try to get along with people but we cannot change our whole personality when we step out of the home. If we continue to fake it at work, we will soon be stressed or burnt out. Our mindsets and beliefs that lead to the thoughts and feelings which in turn influence our behaviors are the same whether we are at work or home.
One of the main failings of typical leadership development programs is that they try to address only the skills required on the job. I myself have conducted several such workshops and though they provide for an engaging learning experience, I have to confess that they do not immediately enhance leadership qualities. The momentum wears off on Monday morning, the Action Plans are relegated to the bottom of the To Do list and workbooks gather dust. A few highly motivated individuals may see an improvement in some aspects of their life but for the most part, it is life as usual after the intervention.
If we want to change the way we behave as leaders, we also need to change the way behave as individuals, irrespective of context. Apart from a robust workshop design that caters to the holistic growth of a person followed by individual coaching, there are some other important measures that can help to bridge the gap between personal and professional.
Feedback from Family and Friends– Usually a 360 degree feedback or a psychometric assessment is the starting point of a leadership development intervention. Complement that by taking feedback from the spouse and children. They often give the sharpest critique from a space of trust. Ask a good friend for an assessment. Check in with your parents about your qualities that stood out for them. Recently, I asked the participants of a leadership program to spend the evening getting feedback from people outside of their organization. The experience threw up many surprises and gave them valuable insights about their behavior. For many participants, the icing on the cake of this activity was the strengthening some of the most important relationships in their lives.
Focus on Well-being – Scientific research in the recent years, apart from our own common sense shows a strong connection between the body, mind and soul. Exercise and adequate sleep not only lead to better health but also promote happiness and well- being. Being a leader in position of responsibility can be a grueling task that calls for peak physical and mental fitness. Most interventions neglect this aspect and leave it to the individual to manage their physical fitness. While the ownership for this lies with the individual, enhancing the awareness of this aspect and motivating them to start off on a wellness routine will help them to become better leaders as well. Include a Mindfulness walk or bodywork as a part of the intervention. Set a weight loss goal, start a yoga class, do a daily mindfulness practice or just get people to use the gym in the office.
Meaningful action plans- Most action plans or Individual development plans that are created as a part of leadership interventions involved tasks related to office work only. There are cost saving projects, innovation projects or even resolutions to delegate more and enhance communication skills. These are important and must be accomplished. Along with these include some actions that are important to the participant at a personal level as well. This could be taking up a new hobby which has been a long cherished dream. One of my participants wanted to start music lessons since she was out of touch with this for many years and singing used to give her great happiness in her early days. Some might want to focus on a social cause close to their heart. Another senior leader in a workshop wanted to do something for underprivileged orphans but did not set aside any time or make concrete plans for this. Once he put down a weekly visit to a nearby orphanage as a part of his personal goals, he felt a great sense of satisfaction.
Set up mentoring relationships- Many organizations these days, sponsor performance coaching for their employees. Coaching forms a part of many leadership development interventions. As a coach, I have seen that my clients struggle with issues that are both personal and professional. Often, the mandate is to coach people so that they deliver on performance parameters only. However, during coaching, we uncover values, beliefs and limiting mindsets that impact the individual as a whole. I see that many clients need support on personal decisions and aspects as well. Most of them would benefit from a mentor with whom they have a trust based long term relationship. A mentor either from the organization or from outside would support them in their goals and challenges cutting across the personal and professional domains. Even if the organization does not provide a mentor, a leader should find a mentor who they will involve in their leadership journey. Some organizations like Biz Divas or the Cherie Blair Foundation provide mentoring support for women leaders and this has proved to be hugely beneficial for their growth.
The workplace of the 21st century is changing rapidly. The traditional way of looking at work life balance in terms of only time has changed. People no longer do 9-5 jobs, many work out of home; with smartphones and wi-fi, the lines between personal and professional space is blurring. In such a world, only leaders who can bring their whole authentic selves to work will succeed in work and life.
